i feel exactly like that cup ...
calm , lost, mysterious, strange and random
i don't know if this is just me or everytime i want to be serious i fall in love from nowhere.
my finals are after 2 weeks, i still didn't get anything straight and serious , and now i feel like i'm goin to be with my ex...
i know it is not the right time, seriously i still got just 2 weeks, i should not mess them up, the same thing happened to me at my first finals (since 4 months ago, i met that fanboy), but me and my ex got really better now , we spend sometimes together, he start to became more opened (he tells his feelings) to me, and we go and do things together, it's insane how things became suddenly like the old times and even better...
i can't tell that i'm happy neither, i feel like something is not okay, something is not normal, maybe even creepy , i feel more guilty by the way, i mean it's a crime to do the same mistake that i've done a year ago ...
i can't even say this to anyone except you guys, i don't know you, i really got no idea of who you are, but really you are the only people that i can tell this to them , i don't talk with my parents when it's about love stories, because they don't blieve in them.
and my friends?? i'm not or i better say 'i will not be' satisfied or good after telling them , and there some that i don't trust them.
now there is just Allah, me and you .
you don't know me too, i mean as a real person, but i bet you like to know me , to know the ''crazy diaries girl ''
being crazy is actually one of the reasons that would push me to be a psy, cause i have noproblem if i hear crazy stories from patients ...... because i'm 100% sure that my stories are crazier so i will be used to it .....
i'd love to be a psy, or a diabetes doctor, or the both .
if i become what i want to, i will make a big hospital , a beautiful hospital, not like those miserable hospitals who gaves you the sunday night horror movies sensations, it will be colorful, with pastel coulors , clean and pure, with good beautiful nurses (not nurses wearing sexy underwears and holding a big needle) , there will be grunge and jazz music playing in it ....
i've said this many times , but i love to do it again, i love to dream about my future and imagining what i'm goin to do , you know, i feel okay for awhile.
talking about dreaming, during Arabic class last week, the teacher told us each one stand up and present his self to the others and talk about how he think he is , his ideas, his perfections and imperfections, his mistakes, his regrets....
i get up and ...... i was crying , i start to talk like for 5 mins , i was so funny at the start actually, well more sarcastic, but when its come to mistakes and problems, i talked about my problems as diabetic teen, my problems with my dad, so..... i'm sensible and i start to cry and everybody in the class start to cry too , it was so emotional, and they saw another me, or like the real me.
everybody think that i live an easy life , while i don't , that why that class was a chance to me to show the others that nobody is perfect, and everyone should be satisfied of who he is and come as he is, and everybody should fight for his dreams and correct his mistakes and be happy.
really , i should be satisfied of myself too, and i better find solutions to my problems, yeah, soon as i can .....
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